This Christmas break contains nearly everything I have asked for: quiet, underscheduled, uncrowded. I am trying to honor the simple rhythm of tasks that must get done. Stove stoked. Meditate. Breakfast. Dishes. Play Dough. Wood split. Firewood loaded. Sledding. Snack. Nap. Etc.
It sounds more peaceful than I feel.
I am halfway through my 30-day meditation challenge. I imagined claiming space for this would bathe me in a peaceful, dreamy light, but it hasn't really been like that. It's been like watching my mind quiver and buzz and alight onto a million trivial things that I would like to care less about. It's been observing that even when I give myself room to be alone, I bring with me a dozen real or perceived snipes, snubs and gripes that I know I need to let go. I know. But here we are, sitting in the dark and quiet together. I notice that I feel alone, and not in the good way.
I am thinking a lot about 2012 in the quiet of this week. Considering what to invite with me and what to leave behind. What to cleave to, and what to be cleaved from. More doing. Less thinking. More alone. More together. More dreams. Less doubts. More hope. Less reason. More movement. More rhythm. More joy. Yes, please.